Day 0: The Goddamn Needle

"You have thick skin."

Normally, I'd take the compliment, but today...I cursed the fact.

The nurse, in her late twenties, pulled the needle out.

"Sorry, honey, we will have to try again."

...dammit.

---

Getting prepped is always fun. You get to joke around with the nurses. They are bored, and you are nervous. They ask all the necessary questions, get your height and weight for the anesthesiologist, put the needle in you, and you are wheeled out to the OR. There's nothing special about this part of the surgery.

Yet in my case, we couldn't get the needle in my damn arm. My veins weren't responding, and when we finally did get it in, my skin was stinging like hell from all the attempts. I was a little bit worried about this because it was so damn painful...but I didn't say anything. I've heard it's normal in some cases.

Next, the anesthesiologist came in and we chatted. Nice fellow. Let me know that I was in the highest survival rate category, which sounds morbid, but he was just being real with me. My doctor came in shortly after to assure me I was in good hands and that we were almost ready to go. The main nurse for the operation came out last, and said,

"Let's go."

The old lady waking up from her sedation next to me starts moaning,

"Jesus, just kill me already....I'm ready to come home!"

The nurse smiles at me.

"Ignore her. Let's go."

---

So, they wheeled me into the operating room. There were about 4-5 people there. They asked me right away to hop over on the operating table. I noticed at this point that they must have started something (either the sedation very slowly or something else) to calm me in my IV because I felt a little woozy. I made it alright, though. The anesthesiologist had me prop my neck up on a neck rest, like one you would use if you were sleeping somewhere uncomfortable. Then, they started covering me with blankets and kind of tucking me in.

"Are you warm enough?"

"Yep. Thank you."

I just began to ask the nurse if one of EKG stickers came loose (it did) when I suddenly felt like closing my eyes.

I don't remember anything after that.

---

I think I was moaning when I woke up. I can't really remember. Oh my god, it hurt.

"I need thirty-six Vicodin and change for a dollar!"

That's what my witty sedated self tried to say. But it came out more like...

"Urhhg...drugs!"

Initially, I thought I woke up with a oxygen mask on my face, but I think it may have been this nose mask they give you. It has a elastic type rubber band that goes over your head, while this rectangular cloth part goes over your nose, which has gauze on it. I seemed to remove it from my nose and align it on the top of my head, like some kind of bloody sunglasses.

Like this, but with more blood on my nose!

They got me painkillers. I dozed in and out of consciousness for about a hour before I was well-enough to get dressed and go home. You don't have much, if any, breathing ability through your nose at this point. I was OK with this, since I had been mouth breathing for years by now. But the pain was something fierce, even with painkillers.

I had no visit with my doctor post-surgery. My understanding is that I was still out of it when he came by, and he had more surgeries to do, so off he went. That was fine, I got sent home with a packet with what not to do.

• No sneezing through the nose! Use your mouth!
• There are splints in your nose, don't try to move them, they are sutured into place.
• No blood-thinners.
• Avoid exercise.
• Report to post-op in 7 days.

I went home. I actually felt really good. I was still on the painkillers they had given me, and my nose, while stuffy, wasn't painful. I was bleeding a lot, though. I ended up changing my nose gauze every hour or so for the first few days.

Sleeping was hell. I was put on three different medicines (which I recommend picking up before your surgery, if possible!) including an anti-biotic, an anti-inflammatory and Vicodin. I slept in 20 minutes intervals from around 9pm to 7am.

Which leads us to Day 1.